"I don't know how you do it?" "Wow, doing that all by yourself. That's hard work." "Three children, work AND school." These are just some of the thing I hear when I tell people about my life as a single parent. It's almost like they can't wrap their head around the fact that I do all this alone AND I'm still a happy, functioning person. For all of you that are single parent's or know someone that is...we do it because that's our life. Not doing whatever it takes to keep a smile on our children's faces is simply not an option.
We smile, we laugh, we kiss boo boo's, mend broken hearts, listen to our children for hours, snuggle at night when they just need mommy...BUT the truth is, it hurts sometimes. It's sad, it's lonely and it's overwhelming. We don't show these sides to our children, we keep smiling and taking them to activities. We fight through the pain that is almost unbearable on certain days. We act like it doesn't bother us when we see couples taking turns bringing and picking up their children (seems like such a small thing but man oh man that would help out so much). We laugh so we don't cry and we tell our children over and over every day that everything is going to be all right, even when we feel like we don't know if we believe this ourselves for our own life.
Now don't get me wrong. I have days where I feel like super mom. Nothing can stop me, I don't need anyone, I have got this whole single parenting thing under control. But the reality is we all have different masks that we put on. Fake smiles so people don't know we are hurting inside. Tough skin so we don't let our weaknesses leak out into plain sight. The whole "Get up. Dress up, Show up and never Give Up" mentality. It's all wonderful and for most days it works. But I'm here to show a little bit more of that raw side of single parenting. The moments when you literally have a minute to yourself so you fall to the floor, cradle your head in your hands and just let the tears stream from your eyes that you have been pushing back for days, weeks, months.
It's ok to not always be on top of your game. It's ok to lose your patience. It's ok to forget an appointment or lose paperwork that was supposed to be turned in that day! We are not here to be PERFECT. There is no such thing as perfection. The sooner we realize this and see ourselves as perfectly imperfect, is the moment some of that unneeded pressure that we put on ourselves will be lifted. It's ok to need to reach out to family or friends. It's ok to show that you're human and need help from time to time. I am telling you this is all ok because I struggle with this myself. However, I'm trying to push myself to be more vulnerable and open to the idea that we all have bad days, we all struggle and we all need help from time to time. There is absolutely no shame in any of this. If anything, reaching out when you need it most is showing just how strong you really are.
I felt prompted today to write this post because I am struggling. I am having a rough week, where I feel very alone, overwhelmed and just down right sad. I feel we often post these messages of how great we are doing, how amazing our life is and how happy we are BUT where are the more real, raw and vulnerable posts?! We all have these days, weeks, months were we just don't feel like we are doing the best that we can. We are struggling to put on that "fake smile, everything's great" mask and our outer "tough skin" is cracking and falling away. I wanted to show you that all of that is OK. There's nothing wrong with you because you feel depleted, over worked, exhausted and sad. You are human and with all the responsibilities that come with life and being a parent, this is to be expected.
So if you are having a hard time right now, if life isn't going the way that you had pictured, if you feel like you can't fake one more smile or make it through one more day without crying. You are not alone. You are not weak. There is nothing wrong with you. You are pushing, giving, stretching your time to anyone and anything you have committed yourself to. You should be so PROUD of yourself. Even though you don't look in the mirror right now and think "Wow, I'm a Warrior", you will. Give yourself the time you need to recharge, reach out to friends and loved ones, open that book that will give you strength, call that friend, say that prayer that has been so hard to get out and most importantly, be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best that you can and whether you can see it right now or not, that is ENOUGH. You are enough and you are amazing! The work of a single parent is hard. The work of any parent is hard. But remember every day that you are striving to live your best life, you are work that job, you are going to that class, you are losing those hours of sleep because YOU ARE AN AMAZING PARENT. You will do whatever it takes to give that lifestyle that you work so hard for to your children. That right there, is enough.
So today, give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the back, look yourself in the mirror and see the true hero that you are because the work that you are doing every single day is work of heroes. That's how your children look at you and that's how you should be looking at yourself. Those bad days will come but just keep pushing. We all have a plan mapped out for us. We just need to keep moving forward and pressing through these hard times to get to that place we have been fighting for all along.
XOXO
Shandra
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| The faces of parenting do not look the same every day and that's OK! |
