Does "The One" Really Exist???

Have you found your "one"?   Does "the one" really exist?

Let me tell you my thoughts on "the one". I have been that girl (woman), looking for the one person that was going to come along and complete me. The one person that was going to make my life easier, more enjoyable. The one that was going to make me the happiest woman in the world just because they were in my life. Have you been here? Have you gotten lost in thinking that you needed that special person in your life to bring meaning to your world? I sure have....

We are all programed to want a partner, someone to share in life with. There's nothing wrong with that and it is a very wonderful thing to have this. But, I feel we get too caught up in the very idea that we NEED someone else in our life to be happy and complete.

I have learned over the years and am still learning that when we date or are in relationships we lose ourselves. We get so caught up in the "honeymoon stage" and in the "puppy dog love" that we actually lose sight of reality at times. Don't get me wrong, this is a very wonderful and needed part of relationships but there comes a point where we let too much of ourselves become reliant on this person and we even hand over our very own happiness and put it right in their hands. When we do this, we are handing over our power. We are giving ourselves completely to this person and giving them the power to break us or take away our happiness instantly.

This is where we need to be careful. This is where we need to realize..."The One", the person that can bring us the most happiness and let us see and be our greatest self is US. It's within ourselves and in order to be our best self, we need to be firm in who we are and we need to fully love who we are as a person. When this happens we are strong, we are confident and we are able to make better decisions for what is going to bring us that happiness we all want in our lives. When we truly know ourselves and what we want, that makes the process of dating and finding that person you want to walk through life with much easier. I'm not saying that it will all be easy (the process) but I'm saying it will be much easier to know what you want and much easier to walk away from what you don't want.

I have struggled with worrying about the others person's feelings more than focusing on my own when in relationships but a good friend said something to me the other night and it truly helped me to realize that it's ok to think about myself sometimes, it's actually very healthy and shows great self respect when you look at the relationship you are in, see that it's not serving you and you walk away from it. That is when you know you are making great progress, you are starting to become more firm in who you are as a person and what you'll accept in your life.

My friend said to me, " I think sometimes you have to be a little selfish to get to your happiness. Not in a way that is awful to others but in a way that helps you move through whatever doesn't fit. It's ok to say no I don't want this."

I love the last line that she wrote to me, "It's ok to say no I don't want this". I feel we often hold onto relationships longer than we should because we are afraid of hurting the other person or we are afraid that once we do let go...we are alone. This last line is so important to remember because if you are feeling unhappy or lonely when the person is sitting right next to you, why do you want to keep holding onto to that? It's not fair to either one of you. I have learned over time that the one thing that will never lie to you is your gut. Follow those feelings and listen to those promptings. They are there because you know yourself and you know what feels right to you.

Although the process of dating and relationships can be daunting at times, I promise you if you take the time to see that YOU are "the one" that has the power to bring you the greatest happiness and joy you've ever experienced to your life. You will then see that you don't "need" someone in your life, it would just be nice to have someone there to enjoy your already happy life with.

The power is within yourself. Take the time to get to know YOU. Figure out what brings you joy and what makes your heart happy. If you do this FIRST, the rest of the process will be a lot more enjoyable. No one said that dating would be easy and that meeting that person that you connect with would be simple. But, if you walk into it already knowing who you are and what you will allow in your life...you'll find that you won't let your happiness fall into someone else's hands so easily and you will learn in time, who you are willing to share that with.

You are beautiful, you are strong and you deserve the best! Don't ever forget this, especially when you are opening your heart up to someone and showing them pieces of who you are. Learn to love yourself and then that beauty and confidence will shine through. The power is within YOU. You have to take the time to find that and grow within that space. Once you do that, you will always hold the power of bringing that great happiness into your life. THEN, you can open up and let someone be a part of that space you have already grown and established.

XOXO

Shandra