Monday Blues?!

If you change nothing...Nothing will change

Do you ever have days when you just don't feel like "adulting" but of course you do it any way? Then the more you get into the day you realize you're not going to be able to come out of this slump without some much needed self care. That was my day today! I find that this will happen on Mondays unless I take some time on Sunday to prepare for the week. Well guess what...I didn't do that last night and I am paying for it today. Thank goodness I know myself and I have a self care plan down for days like today.

I went to my room when I got home from work, tidied up a bit, lit a candle, put on my salt lamps, played music low and began to read my self development books. YES...that is all needed for me to start feeling grounded again and to find my, as I like to call it "happy place". Within 30 minutes I was feeling much better and calmer. I was able to give more to my children and feel at peace inside.

Let's face it, as much as we try to plan out our lives with lists to check off, calendars to fill and planners that we keep in every corner of our homes. Life happens and we get caught off guard. We thought we had it all together and we didn't see it coming...sound familiar?!

I have learned in life that's it's always a good idea to have a back up plan or in today's case a SELF CARE PLAN. What calms you down, brings you peace and brings you back to YOURSELF?! Take the time to get to know yourself. Find those things in your life that bring you peace and then make a list. This will be your Self Care Plan. On days when you are ready to wave your white flag and give up, pull out this list and re-center yourself. There is nothing wrong with taking a little time for YOU. After all, how are you supposed to be your best self for others if you can't even be it for yourself?

Today I needed to find time for myself because if I didn't I know the rest of my week would have just continued to go down hill as every day passed that I didn't focus on my self care. I know as mothers, sisters, sons, daughters, employees, we often feel selfish if we stop and focus on ourselves because we live in a world that focuses so much on giving yourself to others constantly. But, you need to remember that if you aren't filling your own cup, how are you supposed to be able to give to others?! Think about this the next time you are feeling burnt out, tired, exhausted, sad, depleted & down.

Make your list today & remember to pull from it when you need to. If you need it every day, then pull from it every single day and don't fell bad about it. There is no shame in caring for yourself. It's so important & you will start to see such a difference in your life when you start to make your emotional and mental health a priority.

We are all juggling so much and we put so much pressure on ourselves. Make sure that you also take a step back and realize when that pressure is becoming to be a little too much. You will thank yourself, I promise you that. Love yourself enough to know when life is running you, instead of you running your life.

Today I let Monday get to me but not for long. I know myself well and I listened when I started to realize something wasn't right. Listen to yourself, your body and your mind are always sending you signs/messages but if you don't learn to recognize them and listen to them, you can end like me....with some major Monday Blues!!!

XOXO

Shandra

Take what you learn and make a difference with it!

"Take what you learn and make a difference with it."

We are all here to live, mess up (over & over) and learn. We're going to stumble and we're going to fall. Sometimes we're even going to take a little while to get back up, but when we do...there is so much power in that very step to keep moving forward. But the true magic happens in what we decide to do with those trips, slips. stumbles and falls.

About five years ago I found myself in a place where I was going to have to decide how I was going to take probably one of the biggest falls in my life and make a difference from it. I was not going to let it define me or stop me from being and becoming the person I always knew I was and could be.

However, at this point in my life I had been abused to the point where I didn't have a voice any more. I didn't really know who I was and I had not one ounce of self confidence left. I was broken. Literally, broken.

I had taken all the steps in my life to where I thought I was going to be happy, established and content. But, that wasn't the case. We don't always understand why we face certain trials and tribulations in our lives. I don't feel it's our place to know BUT I can tell you that you can make something beautiful out of something sad and heartbreaking.

I decided that I wasn't going to sit around and let these events decide who I was going to be as a person. I wasn't going to let the hurtful words of another define ME! I was the only person with that power. I was the only person that was capable of turning my life around, so I did. Not only did I get a full time job, a place for my little family to live and a new found self confidence but in all the hurt, pain, sorrow, I found out how strong I really was. I learned so much about myself in the process and wanted to be able to help others that had gone through what I had faced in my life. I felt that if I could make it through, get away and learn to love myself again. I wanted to help others to see that they could too. That's why I decided to get my master's in Social Work and become a Mental Health Counselor. I am currently on my way to this dream and so incredibly proud of where I am as I continue to better my life. I never thought that I would get to a place were I was proud of myself, let alone be going to college for my master's.

So my message to you is....

You are Amazing. You are Strong. You are Fierce. You are a Warrior! You are capable of things beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to dig deep inside yourself and keep moving forward. Find your purpose amongst the sorrow and push through the pain when you feel like giving up. It's not the end and you can start over when, and as many times as you want to. You are not defined by these bumps in the road. You are being formed into the beautiful person you are today and even though they are hard to understand at the moment, they are helping you. They are going to show you more about yourself than you could even imagine. Just keep holding on. I promise you that these moments will pass and you will make beautiful works of art from them. Works of art that will touch others hearts and lift them up. Be proud of yourself and the difference you are making in the world.

My questions for you is....

How are you going to make a difference from the lessons you've learned in your life?

Because you can and you will!

XOXO

Shandra

Does "The One" Really Exist???

Have you found your "one"?   Does "the one" really exist?

Let me tell you my thoughts on "the one". I have been that girl (woman), looking for the one person that was going to come along and complete me. The one person that was going to make my life easier, more enjoyable. The one that was going to make me the happiest woman in the world just because they were in my life. Have you been here? Have you gotten lost in thinking that you needed that special person in your life to bring meaning to your world? I sure have....

We are all programed to want a partner, someone to share in life with. There's nothing wrong with that and it is a very wonderful thing to have this. But, I feel we get too caught up in the very idea that we NEED someone else in our life to be happy and complete.

I have learned over the years and am still learning that when we date or are in relationships we lose ourselves. We get so caught up in the "honeymoon stage" and in the "puppy dog love" that we actually lose sight of reality at times. Don't get me wrong, this is a very wonderful and needed part of relationships but there comes a point where we let too much of ourselves become reliant on this person and we even hand over our very own happiness and put it right in their hands. When we do this, we are handing over our power. We are giving ourselves completely to this person and giving them the power to break us or take away our happiness instantly.

This is where we need to be careful. This is where we need to realize..."The One", the person that can bring us the most happiness and let us see and be our greatest self is US. It's within ourselves and in order to be our best self, we need to be firm in who we are and we need to fully love who we are as a person. When this happens we are strong, we are confident and we are able to make better decisions for what is going to bring us that happiness we all want in our lives. When we truly know ourselves and what we want, that makes the process of dating and finding that person you want to walk through life with much easier. I'm not saying that it will all be easy (the process) but I'm saying it will be much easier to know what you want and much easier to walk away from what you don't want.

I have struggled with worrying about the others person's feelings more than focusing on my own when in relationships but a good friend said something to me the other night and it truly helped me to realize that it's ok to think about myself sometimes, it's actually very healthy and shows great self respect when you look at the relationship you are in, see that it's not serving you and you walk away from it. That is when you know you are making great progress, you are starting to become more firm in who you are as a person and what you'll accept in your life.

My friend said to me, " I think sometimes you have to be a little selfish to get to your happiness. Not in a way that is awful to others but in a way that helps you move through whatever doesn't fit. It's ok to say no I don't want this."

I love the last line that she wrote to me, "It's ok to say no I don't want this". I feel we often hold onto relationships longer than we should because we are afraid of hurting the other person or we are afraid that once we do let go...we are alone. This last line is so important to remember because if you are feeling unhappy or lonely when the person is sitting right next to you, why do you want to keep holding onto to that? It's not fair to either one of you. I have learned over time that the one thing that will never lie to you is your gut. Follow those feelings and listen to those promptings. They are there because you know yourself and you know what feels right to you.

Although the process of dating and relationships can be daunting at times, I promise you if you take the time to see that YOU are "the one" that has the power to bring you the greatest happiness and joy you've ever experienced to your life. You will then see that you don't "need" someone in your life, it would just be nice to have someone there to enjoy your already happy life with.

The power is within yourself. Take the time to get to know YOU. Figure out what brings you joy and what makes your heart happy. If you do this FIRST, the rest of the process will be a lot more enjoyable. No one said that dating would be easy and that meeting that person that you connect with would be simple. But, if you walk into it already knowing who you are and what you will allow in your life...you'll find that you won't let your happiness fall into someone else's hands so easily and you will learn in time, who you are willing to share that with.

You are beautiful, you are strong and you deserve the best! Don't ever forget this, especially when you are opening your heart up to someone and showing them pieces of who you are. Learn to love yourself and then that beauty and confidence will shine through. The power is within YOU. You have to take the time to find that and grow within that space. Once you do that, you will always hold the power of bringing that great happiness into your life. THEN, you can open up and let someone be a part of that space you have already grown and established.

XOXO

Shandra

Joy After Heart Ache

When I made up my mind to start this blog I had to decide if I was ready to share my story with the world, to open up my heart and share the very thing that made me who I am today.

I feel like we live in a world where sharing your feelings and opening up about serious, uncomfortable topics is almost cringed upon. But I know in the many seasons I have gone through in my life, I would have loved a blog where someone was opening up about the hard times, the things that leave us feeling torn and broken, the very things that people feel should be hidden. But how are we able to help others if we keep our stories hidden? How are we going to relate to others and touch others lives if we all keep who we are locked up inside.

I've experienced many things in my 32 years of life. Some very hard experiences but also some very beautiful ones. When I faced some of the hard times, I lost myself for a while. I lost my voice, my self confidence, it's almost as if I forgot who I was. But, something I vowed to myself after I made my way through and out of these hard times is that I would make something beautiful from it. That's why I'm here today writing to YOU.

I feel we are all on our own time lines, working towards our ultimate goal....TO BE HAPPY. I wanted to create this blog to share with you some of the ways that I have been able to bring happiness back into my life after I experienced darkness for so long.

My hope is that this blog can touch people's lives and bring hope to someone that may be going through or facing some of the same things I have or currently am facing. My goal is to create a community of strong, amazing, supportive WARRIORS that not only learn that it is ok to share their own stories but become stronger because of it. We are all unique and beautiful, trying our hardest to get through this crazy thing we call life. It's not easy and sometimes it's not even enjoyable but I promise you that it can be and you can find great joy again after heart ache.

I'm so happy you are here! Let's go along this journey together.

XOXO

Shandra